April Fools

Mother Nature played a cruel joke today, giving us snow for the second time this spring.  Rain boots would have been a good idea, but I wasn't expecting snow so I wore my slippers to class.  Bad idea.  The wintry mix soaked my slippers, socks, and the bottom of my pants.  It was 8:00 in the morning on a Friday, so I didn't care what people thought of me, in the middle of class, I rolled up my sweats and went barefoot.  On the way back to my room, my slippers squishing against the pavement, my friend joked telling me I would probably catch pneumonia.  Since then, I have noticed how overheated I have been feeling, that cough from yesterday seems to be getting worse, and my throbbing headache won't seem to go away.  Now, I'm starting to think I might just be acting like a hypochondriac.  Thank you Mother Nature, if I actually become sick, I blame you.   

Always read before you sign

Extra credit is available for students who are willing to offer their time as participants in experiments run by other students in the Psychology department.  So, capitalizing on the offer of extra credit for one of my classes, I signed up for an experiment without really knowing what it was about-- mistake #1.  I signed the informed consent form and then sat behind a computer screen.  The experimenter told me I had to press letters "z" and "p" on a keyboard in order to get coins to drop into a box on the computer screen.  So I sat there idiotically, pressing the z and p keys for an hour.  I tried figuring out some sort of pattern between the two keys to get the coins to drop faster but I couldn't figure it out.  Out of frustration, I complained to the experimenter.  "At least you don't have to do this all day like the test pigeons!"  he replied.  Great.  A pigeon can do this and I am sitting her tapping buttons wondering why the coins aren't coming down faster.  At the end of the experiment I asked the experimenter what the purpose of the experiment was, but he wouldn't tell me.  Turns out, I had mistakenly signed up for a two day experiment.  Next week, I have another hour long date with a computer program made for pigeons... lucky me.      

Sigh of relief

Sometimes, I look forward to an empty room.  Walking in, throwing my keys on the table, and then jumping on my bed.  I'll just lie there and think.  I don't need to worry about people watching me or wondering why I wasn't in the midst of something more productive.  So as much as I enjoy sharing stories, listening to others' days, or wandering around the floor, sometimes its nice to just relax, throw my head back, and watch the minutes on the micro fridge beautifully tick by. 

Hello Spring!

Spring break is officially over and I am back at college.  I am thrilled to be back but exhausted from my trip and settling back into the dorm.  I can't believe there is only two months left before I am off for summer.  I am usually counting down the days, but not so much this year.  I am hoping spring drags on so I can hold on to freshman year a little while longer.   

Lost

Our 5 hour trip to Maryland this weekend was full of adventure.  We got horribly lost on the way, losing our bearing on all sense of direction.  We just laughed it off and made many U-turns.  I always factor in "getting lost time" because I know that it wouldn't be a true road trip if we don't lose our way at least once.  We got to our destination eventually, however.  And our reward for finding our way?  Seeing larger than life sights in Washington D.C. and spending some time with great company!  Well worth throwing the Mapquest directions out the window on Route I-97.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I hope everyone is celebrating with corned beef and cabbage today!  Every St. Patrick's day I make my sister teach me a set of steps from one of her Irish step dancing routines.  However, this year I never got the chance to re-learn the same old moves because I went to see some Irish step dancers in action!  Today was my first time in New York City for the St. Patrick's Day parade and it was a giant green madhouse.  We walked for blocks and blocks until we met up with a few more friends.  And we saw many kilts, banners, flags, and Irish sweaters, to say the least.  I was so surprised to see that people come from just about anywhere to see this parade (not that I blame them, it was a very good parade!); we saw marchers from places far away, like California and Florida.  It was beautiful weather for walking too!  I left the long sleeves at home and let the sun be my jacket for the day, instead of the bright green hoodies that filled the city and moved in rhythm with the bagpipes.

Dreaming in the afternoon

Napping is a guilty pleasure of mine.  If I were to place it on a list of guilty pleasures it would fall right between chocolate covered strawberries and Gilbert's late night milkshakes.  I always used to poke fun at a friend of mine for napping.  I thought it was a waste of time.  I still do.  But the temptation is just too much!  After my 8am class I look forward to sliding back into bed, under the sheets, hiding from the world.  Morning naps are always best and I feel less guilty about wasting that time because I figure that if I didn't have that 8am class I would be sleeping anyway.  But there is no justification for an afternoon nap.  Plenty of people would say there is, but I tend to think my time could be better spent reading, writing, going for a jog, catching up with people (If you laughed at "going for a jog," you are getting to know me quite well).  There are only certain days where a nap is acceptable.  The first would be days where I am feeling a little under the weather.  The second would be if I stayed up really late the night before doing work.  And the third would be if it rains all day.  Yes, I know the third reason seems like a cop out.  Yet, there is something soothing and sleepy about the day when the window glistens with rain drops and the air is heavy.  The sky takes on a dark gradient, almost pulling down the window shade for you, saying go ahead, stay nice and warm under the covers and come outside when the sun returns.   

Ashes

There were a few Ash Wednesdays, when I was a child, when I would be embarrassed of the ashes smeared on my forehead.  The big black mark branding me Catholic.  I felt as if I was exposed and different from everyone else.  I wouldn't dare touch them though.  I was afraid to rub them off because I knew they were important and I knew that God, along with other people in my life, would disapprove.  Well, I have learned a lot in the past few months.  Beginning college has been an eye opener on so many levels and, looking back, I think that I always took faith for granted.  It just co-existed with me, walking along the same path side-by-side without ever holding hands.  I have realized that being a Catholic means so much more to me than I ever thought it would.  My senior year in high school, my religion teacher said, "Show of hands, who knows that God is a part of their identity."  I raised my hand, yet in the back of my mind there was a gnawing doubt.  I didn't really know if God was a part of my identity, I just thought that He was.  Well, now I know.  In dark times He was my light and I have asked and received.  He is a part of me and I hope to express that part of me each and every day of my life.  Today, I will be receiving ashes.  I hope the mark is dark and distracting.  And I hope people ask why I have a mark on my forehead, so I can tell them how it identifies me and how proud I am to wear it. 

Strawberry Yogurt

I think I need to start watching my weight.  No, not start watching it,  I have been watching it just fine, creeping up the ticks of the scale.  Well, I think I need to take action.  The other day I asked someone if her scale is faulty.  Then I figured that I should subtract five pounds for clothing to get a more accurate read.  This has to stop.  I have always thought calorie counting is stupid.  There is no perfect size, no need to fit into those skinny jeans if you are happy.  Well, I'm not happy.  And I want a change.  Not a crazy diet or a ban on all my favorite foods, just add a little more exercise and cutting out those unhealthy eating habits of mine.  Tonight, I was craving a meatball sub.  A meatball sub at 10:41pm!  No, dinner is done and a meatball sub is not considered a dessert (at least not in my book).  So, I had a yogurt and I pretended to enjoy it.  And I was semi-proud of myself.  Semi because on one hand I avoided the temptation of junk food and on the other hand I know the only reason why I picked the yogurt was because it was the only thing left in my fridge. 

Thoughts.

I miss those cold winter nights of walking over to a warm bed.  Doing simple things, thinking I was desired by the rush of the wind.  And I thought much and much about the cold, but the spring is coming and I know the flowers will be blooming shortly.  So I anticipate the rain storms.  The ones to run out in and hold your arms wide open.  Feeling the drops drip off the edge of my hood, I can sing once again in the pouring rain and I don't regret running out into it.  To let it wash over me was simply meant to be.   Today, I enjoyed the rain.  We sang songs and jumped in puddles because our rain boots allowed us to do so.  And I ran out from my friend's big polka-dotted umbrella to feel the rain drench my hair and look up to the dark sky, full of tears.  Soon enough we made it back to our building and I was thankful for the dry room I entered.  Yet, I enjoy listening to the pouring rain tap my windows and the water droplets race down the windows.  

Sleepover!!

Sleepovers: the privilege for 12 year olds, the norm for high schoolers... and well, at college everyone lives on campus, so sleepovers with your girlfriends don't come often.  But last night was an exception, and two girlfriends and I stayed up late to watch my favorite Patrick Dempsey movie-- a romantic comedy, of course!  I am awful to watch movies with though because I always scream at the characters in the movie.  Don't do it!!  Marry him instead!!  I always laugh at the little parts of the movie too much, causing everyone else to miss the next line of the dialogue as well.  Oh well, good thing we weren't watching a twisted mystery or a thriller in which you need to hear every line so you can put all the pieces together before the movie ends.  The pieces here were simple:  three girls, one chick flick, tons of giggling and it all fits together for a great night.  

Karma

When I am on a lucky streak and everything seems to be going right, I feel undeserving.  Why me?  Do I really deserve any of the things I have been receiving lately over any one else?  Not really.  Although I am ecstatic over that high test grade, a deepening of a friendship, and my hard work being paid off, I carry around a little guilt for having these things.  All my life, everything has been served to me on a silver platter.  That is not to say that I haven't earned, accomplished, or worked hard for things-- I have.  But what I am saying is that the significant parts of my life have been dealt to me-- my family, my schooling, my country.  Sometimes, I think that there is an impending punishment, just waiting in the distance, eager to balance everything out.   

Divine Intervention

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I drag myself to philosophy class.  I enjoy my classes and find immense pleasure in the work associated with them, all except this philosophy class.  The professor is friendly and very innovative, so that isn't really the problem.  I think it is just the subject in general.  I don't find interest in paradoxes, arguments, and word play (unless used in a literary sense).  Lately, my professor has been trying to disprove the existence of God.  Even though I disagree with his theory, it doesn't bother me because like to hear out the other side to an argument.  I would say that "everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion" but we learned that this is false and that when you disagree with someone they are considered wrong in your "belief box" so they really aren't entitled to their own opinion.  In this case, I rely on the profound words of Voltaire, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."  Anyway, returning back to my original thoughts on my professor's goal in class,  today my professor tried disproving God's existence by saying, "God can't intervene with me using this clicker."  He threw the clicker in the air and then caught it in his hand with a swift motion, proud of his premise.  Needless to say, the clicker stopped working shortly after...

Pink Chair

There are some days when everything will go wrong.  Today would be a perfect example.  I managed to oversleep my alarm, run into conflict with a friend, catch a nasty cold, and lose my keys.  I think the stress has just been piling on top of me lately.  Weight after weight after weight.  At one point I couldn't take it anymore and managed to just break down.  In my dorm I have a pink chair.  It is famous or (if you look at it in another light) infamous for being the therapy chair on the 3rd floor.  The chair has hosted breakups, friend troubles, conflicts, and releasing those inner fears; all coming from the many people that come to sit and pour their hearts out.  ...I should charge per session.  Well, anyway this past week the pink chair has been in service to, unfortunately, none other than its owner.   

Things to do...

There are way too many things I have to do.  I have to send emails, look over work, plan meetings.   I always counted on lists to cover everything.  Once I wrote down a thing I had to do on a list, it was no longer hanging over my head and I didn't even have to think about it.  I was almost free from it.  Now I have too many lists.  So now I have lists hanging over my head and I just can't clear my mind of the many, many, many things that must be done.  Maybe, I'll do it all tomorrow... 



Apathy

It has been a rough week for me.  And that is all I really want to say.  I don't know whether I should dwell on things or let them settle or simmer inside of me.  Right now all my emotions are tied in a big knot behind my navel.  It is Saturday night.  And I am here sitting on my computer, wishing for either inspiration, motivation, or intrigue to grab a hold of me.  I'm dressed nicely though.  You never know when someone will show up unexpectedly at your doorstep, right?  Maybe I'll watch a mindless TV show.  Or I could do work for the upcoming week.  I hear some music two doors down, should I wander down the hall?  No, I don't think so.  Nothing seems appealing tonight.     

Send my regards

I'm missing the Ball tonight due to an unavoidable conflict.  Everyone will be getting ready.  Hairdryers humming, showers steaming, and the sound of heels click clacking down the hallway.  Yes, everyone will be getting ready for the Ball.  There will be a crisis a safety pin will undoubtedly solve and a dress that just won't zip without help from the girl next door.  There will be music blaring in the hall, preparing the girls to leave their armor and shields at the door, so they can dance with the perfect stranger.  A stranger who's real being is mostly a fabrication in the girls' minds.  And they will dance all night and when they leave the Ball the clicking of their heels will become softer in some directions and louder in others.         

Are we there yet?

Road trip! I like the big maps with all the roads in different colors. And the big green signs with the numbered exits. New Haven, CN? Whoops! Wrong way! Never listen to the gps over your own gut. We went to Saratoga Springs and saw the tallest building in the springs... not very tall, I guess NYC has spoiled me. And that diner we hit on the way home was the absolute worst. "Stale!" the waitress screamed at us when we tried picking a dessert. "Stale, Stale, Stale!" The cheesecake she let me pick was stale too, but we suffered through it anyway. The trip was a good one, nonetheless. Singing the lyrics to the most popular songs on the radio until we almost kill them, laughing at ourselves trying to figure out the details of the trip, and sharing many stories that wouldn't have come out if we weren't in the car together for four hours. Ah! This is the life! The big open road with oh so many directions! Road trips made me feel like I was in an old Chevy commericial with a rusty ol' truck and "Ain't That America" playing in the background. Yes, that's the precise feeling. Not only am I American but I feel American.

Sweat and Soy Sauce

They should add some fine print when it comes to providing the good reasons of working out.  Often, my Zumba classes will relieve stress and make me feel like I accomplished something productive during the day.  The downside-- my appetite afterwards.  There have been a few times where a few girlfriends and I have come back from the gym and decided to grab a bite to eat.  They all chose salads.  Me?  Oh yes, I'll have the General Tao with the chicken lo mein please.  After all, I deserve it right?  I worked hard, sweated for an hour or two.  And there is my problem.  So lately, I have decided to give up on working out all together.  Not such a good idea.  Maybe I should have a different outlook.  And nowhere in this new outlook is giving up on exercise...or Chinese food for that matter.  Working out should serve the purpose of keeping status quo.  Now doesn't that sound like something you would read from a fortune cookie? 

Sleepless in New York

I can't seem to fall asleep.  Right now I am clicking the keys as quietly as possible because I don't want to wake anybody else up.  The worst part is wanting to sleep but not being able to.  Laying on my back thinking of tired scenarios of tomorrow, turning to my side to make wishes I hope will come true by the end of the week, then laying flat on my stomach to surrender to my dreams.  Even then I still won't sleep, so I turn to my clock and grow angry at the slipping minutes of sleep that escape my weary eyes.  12:18 am.  At least it isn't 1 am yet.  I still have what? 8 hours? 9? What is the average hours of sleep someone needs? 7 right?  Yes, I still have time. 

Empty box of chocolates

Sulk, mope, wallow in self-pity, call it whatever you want, but I think that everyone is entitled to it. So I spent my night doing exactly that. Sounds sad and pathetic, sure, go ahead and make your judgement-- but deep down you know you've been there; sitting on the couch stuffing your mouth with as much chocolate as Lucille Ball did in that I Love Lucy episode. So I'll be here sulking, wallowing, and rationalizing my current behavior, while other people out there are experiencing the best or worst night of their life. But for all those in-betweens tonight who are enjoying re-runs of NCIS or Cops, don't forget the icecream in the freezer when midnight rolls around.

Lazy day

Sure, there are plenty of things I could be doing right now.  I could be finishing a project, working on some paperwork, or doing a few things around the house that I have evaded for months.  But I really have no energy to do any of it.  That's not to say I enjoy being bored because I most certainly don't, but sometimes there comes a point where doing nothing sounds better than doing something.  The worst part is the thinking that comes with the nothing.  I think about the time I have wasted, what I should be doing, what I could be doing, what I will be doing 10, 15, 30 years from now.  And then I hide under the blankets and wait for tomorrow when I am too busy to think at all. 

Happy New Year!

I hope the first day of 2011 has brought everyone joy and excitement.  Although today, for me, has been quite easy going physically (my day has consisted of finishing off a book and lounging around with my family), it has been quite a day mentally.  Usually, I don't put any weight into New Year's resolutions, mainly because if I do end up making one I won't keep it.  However, I was watching the local news and a reporter was asking people outside a supermarket what there New Year's resolutions were.  Some said they wanted to be better people. Others that they were going to quit smoking or stick to a diet.  One girl, perhaps a year or two younger than me, said that she wasn't going to make one because she knew she wouldn't abide by it.  And although this would have been my answer to the reporter if I was asked, something about the girl's answer sounded foolish.  Before the segment ended, the reporter asked an elderly man, probably in his eighties, what his resolution was and he said that his New Year's resolution was to be able to be healthy and live long enough to make a New Year's resolution next year.  That's all he wanted!  He just wanted to live.  Well I hope that 2011 treats him well and he is able to keep that resolution.  So after hearing the segment, I changed my mind and decided to make my own resolution: a new outlook for the year of 2011, I hope to always keep in mind how fortunate I am to be healthy and loved in the upcoming year.  May the new year bring you health, love, and happiness!